Somethings I've Decided Upon.....

1. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3.  Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.
4. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
5. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. 
7. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
8. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
9.  Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
10.  Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
11.  Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
12.  Everyone should take time to read the classics.
13.  Jackson Rathbone being the hottest guy on the planet.
14.  With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.